Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Missing something

This may seem completely random but I am just in one of those random moods.

I don't know what but something is missing....
I have this crazy emptiness inside of me and feel so vulnerable all the time
I have so many wants and needs and feel like they are so far out of my reach and it leaves me at a loss
I miss the way things use to be, The way I use to feel when Nick and I were "involved" with Church
I miss having the security of knowing things were going to be ok.
I have this crazy picture in my head of how things are suppose to be and wonder if they ever will be.
I want to be back in the Lords house, I want to find A good home church.
I want to stop making excuses and just do it.
I have all these things that I want to accomplish and the procrastination is never ending, As well as the guilt
I have this immeasurable want/need to be the best provider,wife,daughter,sister,friend worker,and someday Mom
I am at A age where I guess I thought I should have it all figured out by now and reality is.. I don't
I am so thankful for Nick and him loving me for me and my crazy way and expectations
I am constantly thinking of what ifs...
I want to make a difference in this CRAZY world we live in...I want to figure out HOW?
I want to know that when I go I made A difference...
I feel the need to do EVERYTHING I can do to find A cure for this stupid thing called CF.
I want to be A better person...

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