Thursday, October 9, 2008

Baby Blues


Alright let me start off by saying I know that this is not the right time to have A baby... nor will it be in the next 2 years.... But I have the baby blues... It seems like EVERYONE is preggo and having babies. I know I don't talk about this much with anyone because it is something that is SO personal to me but I have to get it out. 99 percent of men with cystic fibrosis are not able to naturally have children its one of the many WONDERFUL side effects of CF... It is not Impossible though, Nothing is impossible... More than likely we will have to do invetro fertilization, Which is nice I guess because we can plan it and all. when the time is right. It is SOO very expensive though. We have some friends who are going though it and it is about 15,000 dollars . So we were thinking about adopting, Because there are SO many children out their who are not as fortunate as my husband and I to have wonderful parents and A great up bringing as my husband and I have had. Then I start to think, Thinking how badly as A women I want to naturally carry A child in my womb, How I sometimes do wish that I would wake up one morning and "Accidentally" be pregnant. To me Carrying A child is one of Gods gifts to us women being able to carry your child and feel it growing inside of you and giving birth. I think SO many women take this gift for granted and it saddens me. So this is one of the BIGGEST decisions in life I think I will EVER make. Invetro or Adoption.... Not saying Nick and I have to make it now but it is something I think about A lot . When Nick and I talk about having children of our own it is always as if it will just happen. By the grace of God hopefully it will. I don't like to talk about it with Nick a lot. I am assuming that as I feel about carrying A child, That it is one of my purposes in life Nick feels that As A man it is one of his purposes in life to create A child. As if Nick doesn't have enough on his shoulders this isn't something I want him to think about and make him feel like less of A person or A man. I love my life, I love everything about it, I love what Nick has done for me, My family and My Life most of all. He has been everything I have ever wanted in A husband. He is my best friend, My comedian, My Lover, My personal Chef.. HA Ha,My confidant, My EVERYTHING and one day... Yes one way or another he will be MY BABY DADDY.. lol Yes my Baby Daddy... XOXO

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

GIRL.....just b/c EVERYONE is doing it doesnt mean it's right for you!!! Finish school and get your two feet planted on the ground before you even think about having kids. You're so young, what's the rush. Hell Im 30, most of my friends have 12 yr olds lol lol...Believe me when I tell you, I do not envy them for one min. FREEDOM is a wonderful thing, enjoy it!!!! xoxo Your favorite, unmarried, childless, wouldn't change it for the world, cousin erin

Anonymous said...

Hey girl...just read your blog and it reminded me of myself. I know that I told you before that I am "supposedly unable" to have children as well. It is depressing when all of your friends and family are having babies and that is something that you want so bad. Trust me...I know that feeling too. We have to remember that if and when God wants us to have such a blessing..he will put it in our life..no matter if it is adoption, in vitro or naturally. All babies are God's gift to us and just be patient girl..your time will come..just like mine. If you ever need someone to talk to about this or anything..I am here. Love ya girl!! Kati :)

Eileen said...

Hi, I found your blog through a CF website. My husband also has CF so I know how you feel about the baby thing! My brother just had a baby and my best friend is due to have hers really soon. It's hard not to get caught up in baby fever, and it can be frustrating thinking about all the extra effort we'll have to go through if we want to take that step. The first thing I want to do is get tested to see if I'm a carrier for CF, because if I am, there's a 50-50 chance our baby would also have CF. Those odds are really high so if that was the case we'd probably give up on the idea of in vitro and stick with adoption.

Either way it's stressful.. and like you, we're not ready for that step yet.. it's just the planner in me thinking ahead. Anyways just wanted to say hi, I'm always excited to find other CF spouses!

Lisa said...

Amanda,

I found your blog through a CF forum. My husband has CF and man can I relate to what you are feeling. I actually had an incident this week where my doctor insisted on a pregnancy test--even though we both knew that it would be negative. We have talked and talked and talked about the different options, but just can't come up with the decision that is right for us. So, it is hard. I am 31 (yikes!), so I feel like my clock is ticking very loudly!

So, I wish that I had a good answer, but there really isn't one. But do know that there are other people out there going through the same thing. Feel free to email me anytime! I have been a "CF Wife" for almost 10 years.

Lisa
lisawb at gmail dot com